I have no idea what I weighed last time, but today I weigh 72.8kg, which is down a bit. And that's good, but I've had a bit of a brain-shift about how I'm handling this.
I have spent most of my life with body image issues and related disordered eating. I feel like I've been following diets and food rules my whole life, and I'm always feeling guilty about eating 'bad' foods or not exercising enough. (How much is "enough" anyway?) So I must ask myself... is that any way to live? I'm thinking NO.
It occurred to me recently that having a weight loss goal is not helping me. By that I mean, having weight loss as my ENTIRE goal. It means that every time I exercise, I see it as a means to lose weight. When I eat something 'healthy', it's to lose weight. When I deny myself something 'bad', it's to lose weight. This is probably not news to anyone, but that is not actually enjoyable. Further, once I lose weight I know I will stop exercising, stop eating healthy food and go back to the 'bad' foods. Even calling them BAD foods is so unhelpful. Food is not good or bad; it's just food.
So my goal has changed. I'm still counting calories and staying within a specified amount that will help me lose weight sensibly, but weight loss is not my ultimate goal. I am aiming to be healthy and strong. God gave me a body that works well (knees and eyesight not withstanding) and it is a JOY to be strong enough to do things like walk to the shops instead of drive, or walk up a big hill because there's a fantastic view at the top. It's a joy to be able to pick up my podgy cats (they're pretty heavy). It's a joy to know my body is capable of doing 50 minutes on the treadmill - I certainly wasn't capable of that a year ago, and now I feel strong when I finish.
Having this little mind-shift has been incredibly helpful. I've just discovered green smoothies (basically it's a mix of 60% fruit - whatever you like - and 40% green leafy vegetables like spinach, kale or chard, plus a cup or two of water, blend until smooth and drink) and I'm loving them - not because they are a 'weight loss' food, but because they taste great and I honestly feel fantastic when I start the day with one. I know they sound horrible, but they are soooo good. And you can't taste the spinach. This morning's smoothie had apple, orange, pineapple, banana, almond meal (for protein) and spinach. It was delicious.
I've had the same mind shift with exercise. So this morning when I was doing a workout from a DVD I wasn't thinking, "Keep going, you need to lose weight"; I was thinking, "Hey, I can do this one a bit more easily now. I must be getting stronger. Awesome!"
This doesn't mean I leap out of bed every morning all excited about exercise and healthy eating. I still have to employ the 'don't negotiate with terrorists' method to get me out of bed. I still eat chocolate and chips and other things, and sometimes I still have a total calorie blowout. But I am no longer punishing myself, and I'm no longer obsessed with the NEED to lose weight. I'm concentrating on health and strength and if it leads to weight loss, that's great. If it doesn't, I'm still going to rejoice in the things my body can do, and in how healthy I feel.
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Six and a half years later
4 years ago
4 comments:
Thank you. I too need to shift the way I think.
That sounds pretty awesome, really. Keep it up. I should think about a similar mindset myself.
So would feelgood goals help?
Well, I'm still weighing myself, but my goals at the moment are mostly fitness related. I have two different workout DVDs and I use them once each per week, so I'm trying to push myself a bit more on each one the following week. I'm using these Jillian Michaels Beginner Workout DVDs. She shows how to do a 'beginner' version of each thing, then how to do a couple of more advanced versions. So my goals are to get to the more advanced moves eventually. Some of them I have to modify because of the dodgy knee.
And on the other days I use the treadmill, so I'm either going for longer, or upping the speed, or adding hand weights. Just mixing it up a bit, and trying to push myself. Of course some days I just do a token 20 minutes and call it quits, but that's okay. :)
That sounds wonderful, you've got a good routine and a good mindset. I'm glad the weather is warming up - it's inspiring me to exercise just because it's so nice to be out and about in this lovely weather!
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