Not really here (ES)

I've been MIA from this blog lately. The good news is, I've lost a small amount of weight. The bad news (for me) is, I have an eating disorder. Yeah, that sucks. But the truth is, this is in no way a new thing. I've struggled with disordered eating for years. Decades, probably. It's the kind of thing that bubbles under the surface and I keep it just under control, then things happen and it boils over so I rush in with some emergency mopping up. Unfortunately the mopping up is usually just enough of a modification of my behaviour to get things back to 'bubbling under the surface' again, and the whole cycle repeats. Again and again and again.

This time, however, the boiling over happened a bit more vigorously, enough for me to admit what other people have seen and been hinting at for ages - this is not just chronic dieting; this is an eating disorder. Anorexia? No. Bulimia? No. Binge Eating Disorder? No. Compulsive Overeating? No. Various elements of some of those? Yes... which makes it what's called an ED-NOS (Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified).

The good news here is that I'm actually willing to do something about it this time, which is a huge, enormous, Grand-Canyon-crossing leap from the stuck place I have been in. So, I'm working on it with my counsellor and with a dietitian. And God. And my prayer partners. All in all, I have a pretty good team behind me! I'm doing okay, really, and I'm sure I'll get there in the end.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know where I've been, and why I probably won't be logging much on here. Unless, of course, you want to hear things like, "Yesterday I ate _______ and didn't have an anxiety attack or feel the need to punish myself." Yeah, maybe not.

What the? (HJ)

I was doing up my belt and then rearranging the denim to not be too puckered.

But it still looked puckered.

Then I realised that I'd done it up to the FOURTH hole.

Wow.

Worth Weighing (HJ)

I've been really seeing how much more fit I am than I was when I started to get back into the exercise at the end of last semester:

* I feel stronger in anything I do after I've rowed in the morning. I stand straighter can get up and down more easily and simply feel strong and more energetic.

* I sleep better (usually) if I've rowed in the morning.

* For some reason, I'm less likely to be beguiled by bad food choices (or at least major blowouts) if I've rowed that morning.

* During the week I got my 20 stair repetitions under 7 minutes. When I first got to 20 repetitions it was taking over 8 minutes. I decided that I needed to keep the exercise going for at least 7 minutes, so yesterday I switched to "how many times can I have started the stairs before the timer goes off at 7 minutes" The answer was 22. And I didn't die.

* My stroke rate at the rowing machine is getting better, too. I can quite easily sit on 38 strokes a minute for my "normal" rowing speed. My three minutes of fast rowing can get as high as 48 strokes per minute, but try as I might, I couldn't push it up to 50. Next week I'm going to increase the fast minutes to 4 minutes at a time, taking it out of my normal rowing speed time.

So all this exercise has been making a difference to how I feel. It has also started to make a difference to how my clothes are fitting, which is a relief. And this week, finally, the scales have registered a downward blip.

This morning I weighed in at 78.7kg, a drop of 1.4 kilos since before Christmas. That's a lot of work for 1.4 kg, because my weight since the last weigh-in has been ridiculously stable until Wednesday of this week.

I'm hoping that common report that muscle takes more keeping up than fat will start to kick in any time now. My body is welcome to eat as much of itself as it wants to.

I also had to laugh at some myth busting going on in the internet exercise world. Apparently, muscle doesn't weigh more than fat. A pound of muscle weighs the same as a pound of fat. No Kidding!?! Of course, the same volume of muscle will weigh more than the same volume of fat. So, apparently the myth is wrong, because it typically doesn't include specific mention that we're speaking volumetrically. Would not logic dictate?... never mind.

No progress, LLL

Hi All,

I have some excuses instead of progress. I had a birthday that was celebrated 3 times on 3 different days. One included cheesecake. The weather became doubtful, although we had very little rain, but it was an excuse not to walk. That led to the inevitable, I had an extremely bad leg cramp during one night and that led to no walking, for exercise. I had to get out my stick and take a stroll around the small block to try to get going again. However 2 days with the stick and yesterday I started the usual walk and managed to build up speed as I went and carried my stick all the way. So that is now back to normal.

So I am again around the dreaded 60kg I can't seem to get below it to stay, the scales today couldn't make up their mind so I am either .2 or .3 or .4. However I will keep going getting fit, my man today said he needs more resistance on the rower so I will try that too.

Maybe next week will show some better results.

Not an ounce of difference (HJ)

Nup. Not one. None.

(not even having cut all my hair off!)

But on the other hand, I was doing up my belt yesterday and realised that I could easily do it up one hole tighter.

And despite the fact that I accidentally cooked too much quantity of vegetables last night (the pumpkin needed using up) and I was very full after dinner, I didn't even have to let it out.

Which is pretty good, because a large dinner three months ago would have had me undoing my belt entirely because there were no more holes to use. Now I'm on the third hole which must be about 5 cm difference.

And that makes it all worth it. :)

Oh, that's right, "I'm not losing weight, I'm trying to get fitter"...