Bathroom Scales: Givinya d'Huge Fright

This week has been GREAT according to me, but it's been pretty dismal for my weight.

My husband directed a secondary schools camp so we all went to the Sunshine Coast with 77 teenagers where we combined with another similar camp.  150ish teenagers, mostly skinny, eating total crap.  Humph.

I sometimes wonder about the TV show "How to look good naked."  What's that all about?  I should try to find out - a quick trip to Wikipedia or IMDb would sort it out for me, but for now I'm content to wonder.  Because due to the configuration of the bathroom in our ensuite cabin, one could catch sight of the top 75% of oneself naked and from that humiliating position, one could quite clearly see that one looks positively AWFUL naked, and one wonders whose body she is inhabiting.  One also wonders how one's husband puts up with it.

During the week, I ate like a... like a... like a woman who is having nice food cooked for her and who doesn't have to wash up.  My meals were awesome, and so were the leftovers belonging to all three of my children.  And the extra bread and butter I purloined "for the children" etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.  And the celebratory McDonalds after camp. Etcetera.

My comfy Size 12 bootleg jeans started feeling tight across the girth.  Here comes the post-baby blimp-up.

And to add insult to serious body-image injury, this morning I stepped on my scales a few times and after working out a quick average (for my scales are cantankerous at best) it appeared that I was 5 kilograms heavier than I was before the week began.


Say what?

I know I ate a lot, but I don't think I even CONSUMED 5 kilos of food during the week.

I wanted to say WTF, but I didn't as I'm reliably told that WTF stands for Wow That's Funny and I'm telling you that a 5 kg gain in a week is not funny.  More like WTHHIGOH.  (The lesser-known Internet acronym for "What The Holy Heck Is Going On Here?")

Well.  It turns out that if you step on the scales to switch them on, then step off to let them 'zero', they go to 0.0kg, then they flutter around, finally settling on a figure that's sometimes around 3.5kg, sometimes around 4kg, and sometimes around 5kg.

Phew.  Scales not zeroed.  Weight not exponentially ballooning in a medically concerning fashion.

Time for new scales.

Also time for:

• coming back to Skinny Cow
• drinking more water before meals so I don't eat so much
• doing appetite-suppressing things between meals so I don't snack, e.g., brushing my teeth, getting out of the kitchen, keeping busy, and drinking water instead.  You thought I was going to say 'take up smoking.'  I am not going to take up smoking.  Anything.
• getting back on the bread policy - two slices of that thick yummy grainy stuff a day and thinking outside the breadbox (ha!) for the rest of the day.

My weight, while not where it would be if I didn't have this flabby tummy problem, is not high on my list of priorities so following menu plans, counting points and hiring babysitters so I can walk with the dog would fly out the window at this stage of my life.  Seriously.  I WANT to do all those things, I think they're great, but I just know that at 11am on any given day I'd say to myself, "Shoot.  I've forgotten to [insert weight loss strategy] ... since last Thursday."  And then where would I be?

Just as heavy and twice as depressed.

So I'm back at OSC now, I'm drinking water today, not eating between meals tomorrow, and starting the bread thing on Monday.

Dammit, I'm not ballooning up 5 legitimate kilos before I blink, not this time!